


The one that got away

by Tender_Salami05



Category: Haikyuu!!, ハイパープロジェクション演劇「ハイキュー!!」| Hyper Projection Play "Haikyuu!!" RPF
Genre: A bit of bullying is mentioned I guess, Actually it's kinda bittersweet, Angst, Angst with no happy ending, Broken Promises, Goshiki's just a baby, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, I'm really sorry, Idk what other tags to put this is just angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Just angst, Shiratorizawa cries, Suicide, They need hugs, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:01:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26243842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tender_Salami05/pseuds/Tender_Salami05
Summary: In Ushijima's first year, he fell in loveIn Ushijima's second year, his love got hurtIn Ushijima's third year, his heart was broken
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 69





	The one that got away

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for this in advance
> 
> WARNING: This story contains a semi-explicit scene of a characters death from someone else's point of view, I will mark the section with ⚠️⚠️ Before and after if you wish to skip it

His first year was when Ushijima found out. Their first year he had found a fellow first year, who seemed quite energetic, crying in a bathroom stall. It was a strange occurrence, he was so sure that the redhead was just super energetic and happy. Never did it once cross his mind that someone with so much energy could even get stressed. So he comforted him, never wanting to see him sad again.  
Their first year is when Ushijima got his first best friend. That same energetic kid, who had such a vibrant personality, but often showed up to his dorm at random times throughout the night, just needing to cry. It took him by surprise the first few times, but he quickly got used to it.  
Their first year, he fell in love for the first time in his life, with the vibrant middle blocker who quickly became attached to his side. It was a strange feeling. Like a fluttering in his chest at almost every little moment. The way Tendou smiled, or got hyped up after a successful block.  
Their first year, he discovered love. He got his first friends, and made a promise to always be there when they needed someone, no matter what.

Their second year....his love showed up at his house, his parents gone. Soaking from the rain and shaking like a leaf. He was cold, nearly freezing. And Ushijima had never been so worried. Asking himself, how could he let this happen. Their second year, his love showed up at his door covered in bruises, crying. He never explained what had happened, just that he was scared. So Ushijima comforted him for the next few days as the bruises healed.  
Their second year, he found his love with his arm broken from bullies, crying and saying he couldn't feel the pain anymore. His love was benched for the next while, and refused to tell anyone who did it.  
Their second year, he fell more in love with the middle blocker. He loved everything about him, his bright red hair, wide range of expressions, even his lanky frame. All of it was just perfect, no matter what he thought. 

The beginning of their third year, a future ace came, his love doting on him as much as he could. He couldn’t understand why, just that Tendou had immediately begun to praise him at every chance given.  
The beginning of their third year, he had a plan to confess. On Valentine's day that year he would give Tendou homemade chocolates. Give him a little note, and make it perfect. Tendou deserved only the best in his opinion.  
The present, he was crying again. It was nearing 2 am, but Ushijima could care less how exhausted he was. His focus completely on the shaking figure in his arms. More nightmares, he had explained. But no explanation was needed, Ushijima didn't care if he was feeling insecure or just read a sad book. He'd stay up all night if needed. "Satori.." Ushijima spoke softly, meeting his friend's gaze. "Are you feeling better?" He continued, getting only a nod in response.  
"Would you like to stay here?" Another nod, Tendou leaning against the ace. He didn't mind, Tendou slept better when someone else was around. He had discovered this in their second year. When Tendou would have bad bouts of insomnia he'd always end up in a friend's dorm. Most of the Shiratorizawa team now had an extra futon as well, just in case.

Soon enough, Tendou's occasional shaking would stop, replaced by soft, shallow breaths. Ushijima often felt a little guilty when he found himself staring at Tendou as he fell asleep. And now was no different. Ushijima layed down, he would get the futon, but with the lanky redhead holding onto him, he decided against it. He soon dozed off, holding Tendou slightly.

It didn't feel too long before the familiar beeping of an alarm woke him up. Tendou jumped a bit at the alarm's beeps, Ushijima reaching over to turn it off. "Sorry about that." He says, looking to Tendou. He had covered his ears, almost curling up under the sheets. He offered a little smile after a moment, uncovering his ears. "It's ok 'Toshi, it just surprised me." He laughs softly. Ushijima nodded, getting up "You can rest a little longer if you'd like, I usually wake up about half an hour early." Ushi had offered, but was confused when Tendou laughed softly "I'm ok, that just means I can start a new anime." He joked, getting up to stretch. He looked much thinner this week. Ushijima's brows knitted slightly "Have you been eating well?" He asks, the other nodding "Of course! It's pretty easy when I have such great teammates!" He expresses, though Ushijima didn't believe it, Tendou was looking sicklier by the day, letting go of himself by the looks of it.

He ignored it however, Tendou would talk to them when he was ready. They both headed to morning practice soon after. Nothing was amiss, the day went on as normal, afternoon practice was a little off, though Tendou was just a little less talkative. That was supposed to be it, the day was over, they would head back to the dorms and hang out for a bit before all falling asleep and going through the next day.  
Their final year of highschool was almost over. Ushijima would confess soon, he just had to make it perfect. Tendou deserved the world in his eyes.  
Their final year of highschool...Ushijima was shaken out of his daydream, aseries of sharp coughs brought him into reality as he entered the locker room.  
He couldn't move, panic setting in, and after a few seconds, he rushed to the showers.

____________________

His first year, Tendou gave up, it was the same as all years before it. The same words, same actions. Same pain. All until he found himself crying in the locker room one day, but eventually found himself being wrapped in a gentle hug. Someone was trying to comfort him, trying to help him.  
His first year he found himself alone. His first year, Ushijima found him. It was so odd, someone who genuinely wanted to be his friend. Who didn’t think he was creepy, or weird, or ugly. Instead, protected him from all those hurtful words. Even when they no longer hurt.  
His first year, he made a friend. His first year, he found a family.  
Their first year, he felt accepted. Their first year, he felt loved. He was almost happy, almost ok, he had people that he could go to if he ever needed to cry, he didn’t need to be scared anymore, so why was he?  
Their second year, he ran from home. Their second year he found himself at Ushijima's house. Their second year, he fell in love. It was so odd, falling in love. He’d heard people describe it before, but it was so different to actually being in love. He just wanted to be close to Ushijima.  
Their second year, the bullies broke his arm. He stopped being able to feel pain like he used to. His second year, he found a razor. Their second year, he lied to his friends about being happy.

Their third year, he found the future ace. Their third year, he swore to protect the future ace.  
Their third year, they lost to Karasuno, their third year he promised. He promised to be there to celebrate when Goshiki brought the team to nationals. He promised, so Goshiki would have no reason to cry anymore, so he could look to the future and smile.  
The present. He had found himself at Ushijima's dorm. Not knowing where else to go and he lied. He said it was a nightmare, but he was truly only stopping himself from breaking all the promises he made. From ending it all. Just to feel pain. 

He didn't know the time, just how safe he felt in Ushijima's arms. How loved he felt just sitting there. "Satori." The voice came softly, Tendou looking up into Ushijima's eyes. He could get lost in them if he tried. "Are you feeling better?" Ushijima then said, Tendou only nodded.  
"Would you like to stay here?" Only another nod, Tendou getting a bit comfortable. He felt much safer here then he felt alone. He often dealt with insomnia, but being around someone else always helped.

Tendou eventually fell asleep, drifting into a dreamless sleep as he so often did. Though it was cut off by a sharp beeping. He jolted awake, panic beginning to set in as he covered his ears.  
Then the beeping stopped, he looked up a little bit to Ushijima, who seemed really tired. "Sorry about that." Ushijima apologizes. Tendou offered a little smile after a moment, uncovering his ears. "It's ok 'Toshi, it just surprised me." He laughs softly. He watches the other get up. "You can rest a little longer if you'd like, I usually wake up about half an hour early." He then said. Tendou laughed softly "I'm ok, that just means I can start a new anime." He joked, getting up to stretch. He watched as Ushijima's brows knitted slightly "Have you been eating well?" He asks, Tendou panicked. He had been eating, but most of it always came back up. "Of course! It's pretty easy when I have such great teammates!" He says, Ushijima looked skeptical, but didn't press further.

The rest of the day was somewhat normal. Though one thought weighed heavy on his mind. He had a bottle of painkillers in his bag. Right there in arms reach. Semi had approached him after their afternoon practice however. "Hey, Tendou." He began, the mentioned middle blocker looking over. "Is something up? Goshiki mentioned you seemed a bit preoccupied." The setter continued. He smiled "Yeah, I'm alright, just tired." He says, though Semi also looked skeptical, shrugging and walking off with "Get plenty of sleep, I'll take your phone and laptop if you don't. See you in the morning." And he was gone before Tendou could respond.  
⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ *beggining of scene*

He went over to the showers, he was alone now, and the painkillers now in hand. They could cause pain, right? He just needed a little pain, to reassure him he was going to be ok. He didn't bother with the amount. All he knew was the slight bitterness, then numbness. He had to wait for them to work though, right? His answer soon came in the form of a sudden coughing fit. He managed to get to a trash can soon enough, though the vomiting lasted only a minute. Then it was coughing again, the only thing coming up being blood. It felt like hours that it continued, coughing as his body tried to remove the toxins. Then came the patter of someone running. He wasn't alone.  


Ushijima froze, Tendou sat there, tears cascading down the redhead's cheeks as he fell into another coughing fit. Ushijima immediately went to Tendou's side, focus immediately on a little bottle of painkillers. Hands gripping onto his jacket "T-Toshi I'm scared." Tendou cried quietly, hands shaking as he tried to hold onto Ushijima as tightly as he could. But Ushijima didn't know what to do, Tendou had fallen into his arms, his grip weakening every second. "It'll..It'll be ok." He says, finding himself crying uncontrollably. "Toshi….I don't wanna go…" Tendou says as he slowly went limp "I don't...wanna..go." He continues, curling up in Toshi's arms. Ushijima could feel Tendou getting colder and colder.  
Until there was silence, no sound except for Ushijima's crying and quiet pleading for the figure in his arms to talk to him. Any words, anything, he eventually gathered up his thoughts and called an ambulance.

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ *end of scene*

They had pronounced Tendou dead on arrival, taking him away. He could hear running nearby, looking over to see Reon and Semi. "Ushijima!" Semi called over, huffing as they stopped. "What happened? Is everything alright?" He continues once he's caught his breath. All Ushijima could do was sit and cry, he needed no words, couldn't form any, he was exauhsted, but he couldn't close his eyes. Semi and Reon were sat beside him, Reon rubbing his back gently.  
Ushijima never cried, that was just a fact, he wasn't scared to show emotions, just didn't have any emotions to show. "Did something bad happen?" Reon asked, Ushijima only nodded and looked towards the entrance. "I feel like it's my fault...like I could've done something…" He says, wiping away the tears. Semi pat his shoulder "It'll be ok-" He began, Ushijima quickly cutting him off "No it won't. Any chance to make it ok is gone...I was too late…" Ushijima said, only crying more.

_____________________________________

There were no words at the funeral, Tendou's parents were there, but it was obvious they didn't want to be there. The entire team was there, Reon doing his best to comfort the others, Goshiki was crying in Semi's arms. Taichi and Shirabu were comforting the first years, even their coaches shed some tears.  
No one said anything the entire day.  
Even after they left, the team stayed at Ushijima's house that night. Semi made sure everyone felt ok, even though no one could sleep.

Goshiki had stopped crying at some point, he didn't know when, but he didn't have the energy to cry anymore. He hadn't ever lost someone before, why was Tendou the first? He didn't know, He knew what depression was, but Reon had to explain that it can make someone do what Tendou did. Goshiki knew what they all meant as they tried to explain the situation, but he never understood any of it.  
And all he could do was stare out the window and think. Probably not the best idea, it made him feel worse. His senpai was in a horrible place, and he didn't do anything, the senpai that comforted him anytime someone said something mean. Part of him understood, Tendou didn't tell anyone his problems.

But part of him blamed himself, he hadn't helped, hadn't tried to. He didn't sleep that night, just sat on his phone, scrolling through his messages, pictures, just trying to find something, anything that could've indicated something was wrong.  
Then he realized, they had Tendou's phone. He picked up the device, it had a simple case, a few cracks in the screen, and no password. His homescreen was a picture of the team, he had a few games, and most of his pictures were of the team as well. A few pictures of anime characters, and the most recent one...a black picture with words over it 'I'm sorry'. 

His messages weren't really odd, except one person he didn't recognize, it seemed to be him texting himself though. Those messages were worrying, like him writing down constant thoughts, all were one word, the most recent one just said goodbye. 

_____________________________________

In Goshiki's third year he took the team to nationals. In his third year Shiratorizawa won nationals. They had a big celebration at Ushijima's house. But it felt empty. That's why Goshiki was walking down the sidewalk, a chill breeze blowing past his jacket. Goshiki walked this path so many times it became almost as familiar as the walk to school. The familiar quietness of the graveyard as he entered, going over to the familiar stone. All of it too familiar, he just wanted it to be a dream. 

He kneeled at the headstone, placing a few little flowers down infront of it. "Hey...Satori...we made it to nationals…" He says, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I brought the team to nationals...I wish you could've watched us win.." He sniffled, rubbing his eyes. "You promised...remember? You promised to be there when we won nationals." He says, gripping the fabric of his jeans tightly and did his best to not cry a lot. "Why did you break your promise...why did you break it…" he sobbed quietly, head hung low.

He jumped a little as a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder. He looked up to see Ushijima, who sat down next to him after a moment. "Are you ok?" Was all he asked, Goshiki shook his head.  
"I miss him."  
"We all do"  
Goshiki nods at that "What was he like before I got to the team?"  
Ushijima paused, giving a little smile "The exact same, always king to others but never to himself. He had insomnia, didn't let anyone know he didn't like his appearance, but was still so enthusiastic about everything." He says fondly, Goshiki looking up at him with a little sparkle in his eye.  
"I wish he could be here to see you." Ushijima continued, patting Goshiki's head.  
"Hey, there you two are." A familiar voice came, both aces looking over to Semi. "The first and second years were getting a little worried, we should head back." He continued. Goshiki and Ushijima got up, nodding. Semi and Ushijima put little charms on the headstone, both saying little goodbyes and all three headed back.  
This was ok, Goshiki decided, even if their little group was never complete, it would all be ok.


End file.
